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Airplane child-phobia

I don’t know about you but the night before I fly I kneel down and pray that I will be kept safe… safely away from any and all children on the plane. I know, I know. I was once a kid and all parents do their best, yadda yadda. Trust me. I love kids as much as the next person but I don’t love them next to me, in front of me, or behind me on a plane.

In the waiting area I scan the passengers and make a mental list of the kids I hope are seated no where near me. As we board I make silent deals with the airplane gods. ‘If I don’t have to sit next to the 6-year old twins with runny noses, I promise to babysit for my niece next weekend. If there are at least 10 rows between me and the newborn I will call my mother when I land, just to chat.’

And now, I read with delight that I’m not alone! According to a Fancompare survey, 80% of survey respondents said they support the idea of creating a “family-only” section on planes. The other 20% don’t count because they are clearly the minority. And they are clearly the ones with little kids.

When I was little we used to fly in the smoking section of the airplane so my parents could enjoy a carton of Marlboro Lights to help pass the time. I served my time in the party section. Now it’s your turn, kiddos.

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